News and Politics Forum

dgm wrote:

Get her a litterbox with a cover.

Sigh.....it's got a cover. Always has.

dgm wrote:

Where is the litterbox located? Perhaps she needs a change of scenery?

In the bathroom. I tried moving it, no luck.

I give up. I'm throwing her outside.

ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING KIDDING ME??? The cat needs a change of fucking scenery to in order to shit in her fucking litter box???

OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'VE DONE HEARD IT ALL NOW!!!! How about we get the cat some Cat Fucking Fancy magazines to read while she's doin her bidniz? Maybe some baby wipes to clean her oh so delicate derrière? I mean, kitty has to be comfortable in order to do her thing, right? JHC! It can't be that she's a cat and cats are generally pains in the ass and do things to piss you off because that's in their nature! OH NO! She's actually trying to "communicate". Ah yes, that's it. She's trying to tell you something T. She's telling you that she needs a litter box because the old one is just so passe, and all of her feline friends are starting to get new one for the fall season. THAT must be it.

Or... Or she's saying, "I'm a cat and I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I wanna do and right now I wanna shit in the kitchen cabinet just because I can and you aren't gonna do a damn thing about it, are you, you fuckin mook?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now get me some albacor tuna before I eat your fucking ferns all up!"

*pant pant pant pant pant pant*

Whew... Sorry guys... I guess I really lost it there for a minute. Carry on.

Lock her in a small room with the litterbox and food.  Don't let her out until she remembers what the box is for.  That's the advice our vet gave us when our cat did the same thing.

Seabird wrote:

T wrote:

Still too early for divorce jokes?

It all depends on how long you want to remain on this earth.

If this damn cat keeps shitting in my kitchen....not very long.

I think I'm going to take IS advice.

Wait, T grows ferns?!

!!!

dgm wrote:

Cats whose toilet habits change are trying to tell you something.

Sometimes it's a health issue. Other times it's an issue with some change in the environment, like a new person or pet in the house.

x2

Feed your cat raw coffee beans then you'll have something good in your cabinets -not.

The motto of the Animal Coffee website is "from cat to cup." That's because the Luwak, a marsupial that looks like a cat in the islands of Indonesia, climbs trees, eats the ripest coffee beans and shits them out in nice fermented clumps (pictured here). Local villagers go out and collect the droppings and sell them around the world for as much as $75 per pound. What started as, presumably, a way for lazy villagers to get coffee without harvesting the trees has since evolved into the world's priciest specialty coffee. No joke, here's an excerpt:

"To obtain beans while still in this state they must be collected almost immediately after they are deposited on the forest floor. Once they have been exposed to the elements for even a very short period, particularly in the rainy season, they break down into individual beans and we can no longer be sure that they are genuine kopi luwak."

That's right, cat shit coffee is serious business. If you want to charge someone $75 per pound for coffee you better make sure it's coming out of a cat's ass. Still, in stark contrast, I know the owner of Geek Acres (here's their mascot mule), which produces the most labor intensive coffee in the world. I believe that one pound of Geek Acres may sell for more than $75 per pound.

It's not just the shit. Before the dumbass realizes that she's gonna be stuck there for a couple of days, she'll be hosing down the walls like there's no tomorrow.